One week down (as of yesterday)! I completed a solid week of good exercise and (mostly) good food habits.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect all of the emotions that are coupled with this process. While getting fit and eating better are things some people strive for to lose weight, the weight I am losing is more than just physical.
Comfort eating was one of the small ways I got myself through a very dark time. I stripped away everything I thought I “should” be doing and ditched the idea of things feeling better soon. I was in massive pain. I was experiencing such intense grief having had three major life events fall into place in such close succession over only a few months time. I concentrated wholly on what I wanted. If I thought about what I needed, it would have led me back to what I thought I “should” be doing. No, I committed to fulfilling myself in a way that not only offered comfort, but offered control.
And one thing that always had comforting, happy memories associated with it was food. I could control what made me feel better – hell, even just functional – and food was the biggest thing. I let myself indulge in childhood favorite recipes, in Ben’s cooking, in sweet things and carb things and cheesy things. It let me feel like I was a person beyond feeling painful. I could feel full, too.
So now that I am in a mindset to take care of myself in a different way, I am facing the painful time that came along with my weight gain. This soft layer that has been added to me was protection and comfort and survival. I am not at all ashamed of it.
But now it’s time for a new chapter. It’s time to let this last bit go.
Thanks for indulging me. Weigh in and Day 8 to come!