Day 21 – Weigh In and Personal Story

Three weeks down! This is getting exciting!

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Though in all honesty, I’m personally not going to count this week as “productive weight loss” since I was ill for all of it. I did not exercise once and did not keep to a regular eating schedule whatsoever. However, when I did eat, I still stuck to the healthy options (save the one day I ordered pizza for Ben because he was being so sweet and helpful while I was being a troll). I drank a lot of water/juice/tea and got a lot of rest. I also consumed many hours of Grey’s Anatomy for the millionth time. I love that show, as you have probably picked up from my gif choices in previous posts.

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ANYWAY. Back to the point.

I weighed in this morning and the scale said: 163.6 lbs. Very nearly two more pounds gone.

Again, before we celebrate being 5 total pounds down, I need to stress that I do not count this as productive weight loss. This could very well be water weight that disappeared despite trying to stay hydrated. And if this is actual loss, it’s the kind my body used to survive.

And honestly, losing weight because your body is trying to stay functional is not a good feeling at all. To get a little more personal about this adventure, I used to have some pretty unhealthy habits and attitudes about my body when I was ending high school and again through college. I restricted my food intake, kept to an incredibly harsh diet, and eventually included exercise binging into the mix.

There was one point where I burned off absolutely every calorie I ate. If I ate 600 calories one day, I was relieved to know I would only spend about 45 minutes at the gym. But if I wanted go out? Or, god forbid, if I actually ate a sensible amount of food during the day? I would spend hours at the gym to make sure my intake for the day was zero. Despite hearing about how good I looked, I was absolutely miserable. I used caffeine as a crutch to keep me active and somewhat social, but I felt exhausted and just plain sick a lot of the time.

Of course, I later learned that my method of “health” was not how nutrition works AT ALL and that I was creating a dangerous deficit for myself. But knowledge is power, and I don’t intend to follow that road again.

So! While I am pleased to see something representing progress, I am wary of the implication and will see where I’m at next week after the return of normal diet and exercise.

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Have a kick ass start to the week, kids! You all are perfect butterflies of badassery. Bye!

Day 16-20: The Flu

This campaign of mine has encountered some bad luck in the first weeks, wouldn’t you agree?

I contracted the flu. At least I got it from a friend that I really like or else I would be cursing the person who gave it to me.

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I woke up on Day 16 noticing that I wasn’t feeling quite right. I felt kind of foggy, a little stiff, and just kind of…heavy? Anyway, I went about my day and went over to a friend’s house in the evening for some party planning for her partner’s 40th birthday. Just as the evening was ending, I noticed that I was feeling significantly worse. I drank a ton of water and took some vitamin C tablets before bed. Alas, the damage was done.

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Day 17 brought chills, achey joints, congestion, and a sore throat. I went to work and immediately got back into bed once the day was over. Maybe I could sleep it off…

Nope. Along with the previously mentioned symptoms, Day 18 brought a temperature and nausea that eventually resulted in vomiting (thank goodness only twice). I worked from home and did not leave my couch all day. My head felt foggy and swimmy and I could tell that I was pretty spacey. Needless to say I was less than pleasant company.

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The last couple of days have been progressively better. Today, on Day 20, I have a pretty stuffy nose and a cough, but that’s it. I predict a few more days of this nonsense and then I’ll be back to normal.

I promised myself that I would keep updating even during times that seemed unproductive. I ate the best I could when I felt like I wanted food. Otherwise, I have been inactive and generally uninterested in eating. Only yesterday did I experience an appetite of any kind.

I can tell I’ve lost weight, but the wrong kind of weight. I’ll weigh in and report, but I don’t feel like I’ve earned the satisfaction of seeing a lower number.

Thanks for all the support. Hopefully there are no more shenanigans for a while. Look for my update tomorrow!

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Day 15 – Weigh In

Two weeks down! Time is flying and there is excellent progress.

Despite having an emotional week with only three workouts, I am still seeing progress! Official weight as of this morning: 165.4 lbs. Another pound gone!

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I’m already starting to see some physical changes. My face is starting to look less squishy and my core is starting to show signs of use. I’m getting excited to see where I will be at the 4 week mark, at this rate.

Today’s food intake was excellent. Oranges, toast, and coffee for breakfast, lettuce wrap at lunch with kettle chips, chicken salad sandwich with strawberries and veggies for dinner. And the best news is that I have TONS OF ENERGY.

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Tomorrow promises another packed day with a gym trip after work. I’m feeling super good. I hope you all have things that you’re feeling super good about, too. I believe in you. Kick some ass tomorrow.

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Days 10 through 14 – Loss and Update

The woman pictured above is the friend that I mourn. Never in my life have I known someone who was so unapologetic about who she was, both with her light and her darkness. She was the epitome of a fiery spirit and a force to be reckoned with.  Every inch of her radiated incredible energy and passion. I could go on and on about the influence she had on me as well as the people around her and simultaneously find myself falling short with any words at all…

One key thing about her was that she loved her body. She loved it in every stage it moved through in the time I knew her. From angular and thin to soft and curvy to muscular and strong, this woman marveled at all of her body’s potential and how she could always find comfort within it. She got me (as well as a lot of my friends) started in yoga, teaching us poses and sequences so joyfully that you couldn’t help but get addicted. She celebrated every inch of progress and every bit of commitment.

I want to carry that forward. I want to explore an even deeper love for my vessel, just like she did. Rest peacefully, my friend.

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After a long and emotional weekend, I am happy to say I’m back. Thank you to everyone who offered support over the loss of my friend. It is such a tragedy for the people whose lives she touched, but we are committed to carrying the light that she offered to this world.

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Though these last several days were stressful and sad, I still managed to make good choices. I made it to the gym on Day 10 and Day 13 to put in a full hour workout. I was careful about what I ate, making a specific effort not to eat emotionally (kummerspeck). I allowed myself a night out with a couple of my lady friends on Saturday night (Day 13), but thus far, that has been my only true “cheat day” (where I didn’t give a flying flip about how my evening activities might affect this new plan for myself).

Anyway, that’s the summary for my absence. Coming back with Day 15 tonight. Thank you again for the love and support.

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Day 9 – Veggies Galore!

Hey, team. So, I am feeling pretty down about the death of my friend. It’s hard to get motivated to get to the gym today. This might be the second day in a row of a break, and I’m feeling pretty torn about it…

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In preparation for the possibility of not making it to my workout, I made sure I ate extra well today. Smoothie for breakfast, italian lettuce wrap for lunch with nuts and a bit of cheese, healthy veggie pizza for dinner.

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I’m going to keep taking it easy for today. Cat snuggles are definitely on the agenda for tonight.

Thanks for bearing with me. I promise I haven’t lost my ultimate motivation. I think I just need one more day of mental rest…

Day 8 – Weigh In and News

I have decided I will only weigh myself when each new week starts. So, here we are!

I was surprised to get on the scale and see… 166.4! Two whole pounds!

I know it’s only been a week, but progress is progress! It’s motivation to keep going!

However, I confess that I did not eat much or go to the gym today. I received some tragic news that is resulting in a funeral on Thursday. This week is going to be strange, but I will do my best to stay on course.

That’s all for today. Check back tomorrow for Day 9.

And…hug your people today. Tell them you love them loudly and often. Life is too short and can change in an instant.

 

Day 7

One week down (as of yesterday)! I completed a solid week of good exercise and (mostly) good food habits.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect all of the emotions that are coupled with this process. While getting fit and eating better are things some people strive for to lose weight, the weight I am losing is more than just physical.

Comfort eating was one of the small ways I got myself through a very dark time. I stripped away everything I thought I “should” be doing and ditched the idea of things feeling better soon. I was in massive pain. I was experiencing such intense grief having had three major life events fall into place in such close succession over only a few months time. I concentrated wholly on what I wanted. If I thought about what I needed, it would have led me back to what I thought I “should” be doing. No, I committed to fulfilling myself in a way that not only offered comfort, but offered control.

And one thing that always had comforting, happy memories associated with it was food. I could control what made me feel better – hell, even just functional – and food was the biggest thing. I let myself indulge in childhood favorite recipes, in Ben’s cooking, in sweet things and carb things and cheesy things. It let me feel like I was a person beyond feeling painful. I could feel full, too.

So now that I am in a mindset to take care of myself in a different way, I am facing the painful time that came along with my weight gain. This soft layer that has been added to me was protection and comfort and survival. I am not at all ashamed of it.

But now it’s time for a new chapter. It’s time to let this last bit go.

Thanks for indulging me. Weigh in and Day 8 to come!

Day 6

And here we are at the close of Day 6. I have no plans for horsing around town tonight. Or my own home for that matter.

Today was blissfully uneventful. I had the house to myself for the majority of the day, and I actually enjoyed it. I played a game, read a bit, browsed the job market, caught up on the news, watched Grey’s Anatomy…it was nice to let my little introvert take over for a while.

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I woke up, lazily made myself a cheesy bagel for breakfast (butter, cheddar cheese, pepper, hot sauce -> toast until cheese is melted = delicious lazy breakfast). I made it to the gym, only putting in about 40 minutes today. It might be the weather that made me feel less motivated today; I just couldn’t get to a full hour. I suppose it’s acceptable to have one less intense day of exercise during the week.

I stopped by the Subway that’s right next to the gym after my workout and had a turkey sub with ALL the veggies.

Came back, showered, stopped by Ben’s restaurant and hung out with him for a while after he was done with work. We decided that a quiet night in is exactly what both of us want tonight.

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(By the way, he is definitely the Cristina to my Meredith.)

So there you have it. A very uneventful Saturday. I’m going to cuddle and play my game and go to bed early. Goodnight, my pretties!

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Day 5

A little late in posting this one, but I tracked nonetheless!

Yesterday was jam packed. Fun news: I am now a part time chocolatier! I have been looking for a way to make a little extra money this summer and a local chocolate shop decided to hire me on! Granted, this will add another element to foods I need to be cautious about, but hey, I’ll be making all kinds of chocolatey goodness.

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Anyway, on to the food and fitness stuff!

After my interview with the chocolaterie, I had the most intense craving for caesar salad from a particular restaurant here in town. Something about how they make their dressing is so tasty compared to other places. I ordered the entree portion and promptly stuff my face. It was amazing.

I absolutely crushed it at the gym. 60 minutes of cardio PLUS chest and back lifting. I felt so beastly and sassy afterwards.

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Dinner was more leftovers in the form of many veggies and fried eggs and some delicious cranberry bread that my friend brought over.

Actually, said friend is having a pretty rough time right now. I don’t want to get into the details given its personal nature, but believe me when I say that she is in the middle of some sad stuff. We ended up sharing a couple of bottles of really tasty red wine together. Don’t worry, we didn’t consume all of it. Ben definitely helped out when he got home from work. We also watched a lot of Truth or Drink. Highly recommended for cheering people up.

Overall, a good day. Stay tuned for Day 6 post coming shortly!

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